btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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