then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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