yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
