Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
