Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
