I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
