quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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