I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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