OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
