omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
