What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
