first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
