Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up backwards on a recliner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
