I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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