remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
