never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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