well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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