tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is wine microwaveable?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
