If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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