I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
