i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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