All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think your dad took our porno
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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