I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
