A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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