This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
