I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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