Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
