They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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