yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
