So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
