You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
