I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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