I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
