Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
