I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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