does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dicks are not precious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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