i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
