Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
