So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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