What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
