Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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