Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we're making bets on your personal life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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