first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
