you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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