I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
