bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
