normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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