I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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