Fine. I'll sleep in my office
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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