i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
