She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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