um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
