just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
