The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dear god my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
