He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
