My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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